Eighteen Years

 

Eighteen years. We've had high highs, and low lows. And lots of normal in between. Some normal that we liked. And some we didn't. I don't know if it's the biggest thing we've learned in eighteen years - but it is the thing that is coming to mind in the moment: the incalculable value in honesty. In recognizing what you like, and what you don't - and talking about those things. For a long time we didn't realize the damage we were doing to each other by misjudging our situations, and mismanaging our presumptions and expectations. 

But growing together is a process. You don't know until you know - and once you know, what will you do about it? It takes bravery. It takes commitment. It takes a lot of tender conversation. It takes forbearance and forgiveness. And in the end, all of those things mix together in a messy little arrangement we call marriage. 

We are still right in the middle of attempting to change what we don't like. Love where we're at. Grow together in honest community with one another. There are times when love feels really high. There are other times when it feels very dutiful, or sacrificial. But its all the same love, just seen from one perspective trumping another in those moments. When you step back and look over 18 years, you can see it clearer - the work we put in is the benefit we reap. And it's worth it.

I have always been grateful to choose this man. I haven't always done it perfectly, or even well. But I'm grateful for do-overs, mercifully nearly every day. And I'm happy to report that love has grown in the space we've created. I didn't think it was possible on day 1 to love more than I did in that moment. And there were times along the way where it didn't seem probable that we'd get out of our own way and invest in each other. 

But it's become true. I love him more today, (its day 6574) than I ever have on any of the days before. That's not because it's been easy. Its because it's a choice - sometimes his, sometimes mine - to remember that God is good, and love is sweet. And we belong together.