Growing Up

I think I'd say, if I had to describe myself - "I've come a long way" would do it. Nothing brings perspective on that like time. And recently, with the addition of little Vale, I've been brought back sort of "face to face" with the twenty-something Mom I used to be. Honestly, I'm still the same Mom, even though I can now be described as 'forty-something'. But time and perspective have changed me a little, and really, it's a lot. But I don't always think of it or see it, until I do. And then, WOW, I've come a long way.

I was talking to one of my sisters recently. I dispensed what I thought was a sage piece of advice - the topic? Toddler beds.

See, when Kenna was 13.5 months old, we welcomed little Brooksie to the family, and I, being practical I suppose, decided that having 2 cribs was out of the question. I never even looked for a crib secondhand or anything. It wasn't that I couldn't get one, and was making the best of it...I didn't want one. I moved Kenna up to a toddler bed. She was obedient, and mentally able to understand the concept of staying in bed, technically. But she was too young. Looking back on it now, what I couldn't see while walking through it is just the simple fact that she was not ready yet, and I was testing her, and requiring obedience of her that was unnecessary.

I don't even know where the advice came from. I certainly haven't sat around thinking about toddler beds over the past 10 years. But when the topic came up, it all came rushing back.

I created so much work for myself. So much stress. And why? Because the idea of having 2 cribs was a "no" for me, though now I can't even think of why. I rushed her into growing up, and I shouldn't have. I created a discipline issue that I was obligated to follow through with, and looking back on it, I don't really think I had the bandwidth to deal with that - even though I did do it. But it cost me something, and I didn't ever think about it that way.

So, I say, don't rush your baby or toddler out of the crib. Having 2 cribs is ok. It doesn't mean your children lack self-control if they get out of bed when they're too young for that much responsibility. Can they learn it? Of course. Was it worth it? Not to me. It might be worth it to someone else, of course. Advice is free - to be heeded or discarded. But now that I'm 'grown up', I find myself more apt to follow advice and less apt to try and figure it out on my own.

I guess that's the part of life that can be described as "the wisdom that comes with age".

Sharing

A friend of mine sent me an article, and asked my opinion on the following parenting dilemma: Sharing. I read the article, which had some valid ideas, and some not so much. Here is my response to her - figured since I took the time to write it all down, I might as well share:-) Do you have any sharing insights for parenting?

*****

I think sharing is probably the first, tangible “adult world” lesson that kids are taught. Basically, it all comes back to – you can't always have what you want, when you want it. The world doesn't revolve around you alone. Nobody else cares if you are happy, except your Mom. Harsh lessons to teach a 2 year old, however true they may be --and they are true.

There are a few factors that come into play with sharing, the first one probably being: age. When children are still young, whether by age or maturity, sharing is something you can request (and begin to teach), but not demand, really. You can ask if they will share a toy with a friend, but you can't grab it from them to force the issue. When sharing does occur voluntarily, make sure that it gets shared “back”. So that it is sharing, and not giving away. I tend not to use the word "sharing", but rather, "taking turns". Using properly defined words is helpful, even with small children who may not fully understand the entire meanings behind them.

Help them to understand that people can take turns, and that it will come back to your turn soon. I do a “ 2 minutes, 2 minutes” rule. Each child gets to play with the coveted item for 2 minutes, with Mommy passing it back and forth and explaining how we each take turns, and our turn comes again quickly. This is best in small group settings, not large groups with lots of commotion. It's a training time really, but must be explained and done in such a way, that they realize not only will they be “giving it away” for 2 mins, but that it will come back to them. Depending on the mood or attitude of the child, they may cry the entire 2 mins they don't have the toy, and that's ok. Once they learn they really do get it back, they usually get over that quick.

Now into the “grey area” of sharing. I don't think all things need to be shared. There are special toys etc that are not for others. Perhaps even special blankets etc. However – the issue I have with this is that most parents these days seems to fall into the “permissive” category when it comes to their own child. The rule should be this: If it's so special, then it shouldn't be  “out”. Kids should not be allowed to carry a security blanket with them, everywhere they go. It's just bad parenting, in my opinion. Dragging it around your own house? Ok, fine, if that is what you want to do. But bring it to Target? No way. There has to be boundaries, and the kid needs to learn that. So anyway, if Mommy lets 3 year old bring a Transformer to church, and then won't allow it to be shared...I consider this not only bad parenting, but rude, because you know the other kids are going to be all over that, so you are basically creating a sharing issue, and you're the parent! How dumb is that. Now, if you invite a family over to your own home, then it's a little different – but the “offending” toy should still not be paraded around in front of the others, if it's not to be shared.

We have toys that we do not allow anyone else to play with (Kenna's Playmobil & Dollhouse). That means when guests are over, Kenna is not allowed to play with it either. Dragging a blankie to the park, and not letting other kids touch it is not ok. Having people in your house, and not letting them touch it is ok, if that makes sense? (Like, it's getting near nap, and you pull the blanket out). Kids need to learn both sides of it.

When my kids want to bring a toy “out” somewhere, they are under very thorough instruction – if you bring it, you must be willing to share it. When they are little and can't understand, the answer is no. We don't drag our things all around the world. They stay home, no exceptions. So then you are at church or the park where only “neutral” toys are in play, that don't actually belong to anyone, and it's easier to teach the 2 mins rule.

When they are older (whether by age or maturity - anywhere from 2 to 4), the sharing focus shifts. They know how it feels to be on the other end of “sharing” - wanting to play with something cool, while some dumb kid holds on to it for hours and won't let it go. The over arching theme in my personal parenting, and it's also a good theme for life – Love always does what is good for someone else, (and also going with that, teaching kids the preciousness of others) – Sometimes that is not always apparently obvious at certain stages, ages, or situations, but its' always working toward that end goal, so I feel it all comes back around to it.

Teaching kids to wait their turn is important. Teaching kids they can't always have what they want is important. But teaching them to show love is also important, and it is (for most people and most personality types) a very unnatural thing. Children are the epitome of NOT self sacrificing humans. They always have their own best interests at heart. This saves their lives in infancy. Or maybe we'd not feed them enough, right? It's God's will that a baby cry for its food, and mother. But it's not God's will that a 15 year old cry for food or mother. So somewhere between there, we need to shift their focus from the me and self preservation to God and others. So declaring that “I won't teach my children to share” is actually fairly unbiblical. Maybe the difference is in the definition. I teach my children to share, I don't make them share. When they are 1 and 2, it's a process, and it doesn't always happen or happen “properly” - by the time they are 3 and 4, they have it down pat, and you can begin to introduce the moral reasons behind the “why's” of the situation.

Remember when Johnny wouldn't let you have a turn with his race car? How did that make you feel? Did you just want to try it out? Were you willing to let him have his turn too? Was it something that you could play together with (teaching kids to play with each other comes in time). So, if you want to bring your superhero, and Johnny wants a turn with it, what will you do? What will you do if he decides he won't let you have a turn back? (unfortunately, we all know those kids/moms :-/)

If the child is not ready to handle these situations in stride, then don't bring the toy. But helping them to see that just as they have the burning desire to play with a new toy – so does your friend. (children are so “me focused” the thought literally never occurs to them). Teaching them that other people are of value, and are worth loving – by sharing a toy. There aren't a whole lot of ways kids can practically show love to their little friends, but this is one way.

We don't teach sharing for really any other reason, that I can think of, than because it esteems others as better than ourselves. Others are also worthy of the joy that we experience. It's biblical, and it grows children into adults that consider the preciousness of others, in all kinds of situations. It's a hard lesson for a small child, granted. But neglecting to teach it at a young age means that its not in their hearts, which means, it's missing.

Brag time!

Time to brag on my kids a little bit. I know this note is written to me...but really, it's all them. Proper training does go a long way, but in the end, its up to the kids to behave in the ways they know they should. Even when no one is around to encourage them along...

Last night I received this email from a Mom in our co-op - I don't recognize her name, so I don't think I know her, although I may know her if I saw her - lots of new faces there! Anyway, I was so thankful she took the time to write to a "stranger". Absolutely made my heart melt! (I can't be in class with my kids, as I work in the preschool program)

"Darla, I sat in close proximity to your 2 kids in the K-3rd grade science class today.  I was VERY impressed with how well they worked together!  They did not argue, they really worked as a team, and they were so quiet and well behaved!  The teacher for today's lesson had the parents helping the kids because it was one of those activities that just needed some adult hands on deck.  I was more than able and ready to help yours but they really carried themselves beautifully!
I know my kids love each other, but I saw genuine love and care for one another today as your kiddos worked side by side.
I just wanted to let you know, and to pat you on the back... job well done, Mama!"

Good job Kenna and Brooks! Daddy and I love you both so much and are so glad that you are choosing to make decisions that honour each other and show love.

Simple Lives

When someone says "simple living" I get a mental picture...what that word means to me. To me, actually, it means - my childhood. We lived in the country and played outside, we had no tv, no video games/nintendo systems - no computers until they were "invented" and no internet...because it was years from being popularized in homes. I think I was probably about 21 when we got internet, and we never had cable tv, we watched everything over the air. We made all our meals from scratch, we gardened, and canned everything. We played outside. We pretty much spent all our free time playing outside, or with our playmobil. We had wild imaginations:-)

Anyway, what does simple living mean to me NOW - how do we keep things easy and simple? Things just seem more hustle & bustle, don't they? There is soo much to do - how do scale it back and pretend we're living 40 years ago?

I don't think there really is much merit in pretending it IS 40 years ago...we have to be present in our current age to have any effectiveness in it, but that doesn't mean we have to give way to every whim of materialism and stretch our selves thin with busyness that doesn't even give us the result we want, in the end.

Get priorities straight - Kids need...nothing. Honestly, and truly, they need nothing aside from the basics. Which is something, granted. What kids need is love, food, caring, education - the normal stuff of life. What they don't need is ballet, gymnastics, violin, piano, drums, tap dancing, xbox, Wii, Playstation, Leap Frog...the list goes on. Pare it all back, and see what you are left with. It might be really bored kids, since you took away all the activities:-)

So, for us - personal decisions alone, based on what we can handle, afford, and still keep ourselves simply...sane.

These are not hard and fast rules - but the generalization has rarely, if ever, found it's exception in our home.

We prioritize 4 activities outside the home - Church, Sports, Education & Music. - within those activities, I have boundaries set - nobody does an activity that everyone can't do. While I realize boys "can do" ballet...yah, no. So yes, that means it's a bummer for Kenna - she'll never be a ballerina. And actually, I've known countless girls who have gone to ballet, tirelessly, and NONE of them are ballerinas either. So that tells me...she'll live, and quiet happily, without the experience. We keep EVERY EVENING of the week OPEN except for Wednesday night. Bedtime is strictly at 7pm, always has been, and will continue to be so for a looooong time. So if something encroaches upon that "unwritten rule" chances are, it's a no-go as a consistent activity.

SPORTS: I never took tap dancing, and wouldn't you know it - it's never come up. I did, however, learn how to play baseball, and that has proved more than useful over the years. So my rule is this: If everyone can't do it, no one does. This frees us up quite a bit in both time & money- in our area, we do 1 sport per season (soccer = fall, basketball = winter, baseball = spring, swimming = summer). Please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dancing or activities of that nature. But for us, we 1) don't have the time without getting stressed, and 2) can't afford it.

CHURCH - we do the Wednesday night Awana program, and this is the only "late night" the kids have in the week. 

EDUCATION - We participate in a homeschool co-op that meats every other Friday/14 times per year. They teach science, art and do P.E. As the kids age and we have the opportunities available to us, I am sure we will be pursuing more things of this nature - day time classes, field trips, etc.

MUSIC - The kids take music lessons once per week.

We have a few pieces of technology - a Wii, a Kindle Fire, a laptop, and a TV (& Dvd player). No one has their own anything. They must play together and watch together. Sometimes everyone is bummed that the "babies" want to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse again, or that the boys want to play Wii sports instead of watch a show. (Sometimes Moms are bummed that football is on *again* and sometimes Dads are bummed that the "feel good Canadian dramas" are on *again* too). But it's good for a kid (or a Mom, or a Dad:-) to not get what they want. It really is. It's also good for them to "give up" to others, take turns, share, and be gracious. I like how easy it is to foster proper attitudes with regards to those things, when there are no options otherwise. There is no choice not to share. So sharing it is. We make it work out, and lovingly so. My kids are enthralled with things like Nintendo DS, and play them while at friends houses. I don't mind that one bit...while I should think we'll never own any, as I don't see those types of toys fitting in well with our family dynamic, though it bears repeating, I have nothing against these items. I feel like with the children I've been given (which are really the only ones I am concerned about, largely), and the way they are wired, those types of toys don't appear to easily encourage the attitude of togetherness.

Maybe that's where it's at...togetherness. Things are simple when we are together. God put us all together, and we like each other. Maybe not naturally. What is that expression? You can't choose your family...:-D

But you know what does wonders for your soul and gives you all kinds of confidence? Knowing that there are people in your corner, who like you. Who would give up something they love for you, even if they really don't want to - they'll do it because you belong to them. I think we are very blessed to have been given hearts of love toward each other, by God. So in our family, liking each other does not come too hard at all, but that might not always be the case in families, though I think it not an excuse. Love is always a choice, and sometimes it's a hard one, even in loving families. But God is able to love. God is love. So guess what? In Him, we are able to make that choice too.

I'm happy to see that my kids enjoy each other, easily. I think they've come to realize they will putting others wishes ahead of their own for years to come, and they're getting used to that idea, with joy.

I'm glad they play out side a lot. I'm glad they have inside jokes, stories, and vivid imaginations. I hope that they remain a bit different in this society, and can pursue their dreams knowing a whole herd of people have their backs. That they can be stress free, in a world that frets over everything. That they can live simply, while still being relevant. My thoughts for the evening. Blessings.

Parenting Goal

A recent sermon was inspiring to me, so I thought I would share a few notes, before I forget entirely. Because you know I'll forget justlikethat, as usual:-D

The premise of the message was actually about Paul, and Pastors, (taken from Gal 4:8-20), but as soon as I heard the message title it really struck me how much this would really apply to parenting - a great philosophy in raising children. So I take my notes slightly out of context of the message to apply them to parenting, instead of the pastor/shepherd role - which is, really, kind of what we are as parents, especially to young children.

Title: Pastoral Goal (in this case Parenting Goal) - To see Christ fully formed in you.

If there was one thing that could encapsulate the life that we wish for our children to lead, wouldn't that be it? "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth" 3 John 1:4 ESV

A couple notes I jotted down about the "how" - How we can influence those under our care (whether you are a pastor, or a parent) to follow hard after Jesus. We are not imitating His life, we are participating in it, and there is quite a bit more joy to be found in the latter than in the former.

1. Preaching/teaching of Jesus is clear
- theology matters. What I believe is crucial.
It is important that people have a right view of the God they serve, and big people start out as little people. It's a tall order to stand in that place for kids - but as parents, it IS where we stand, like it or not.

2. Patterns of the Spirit are developed and patterns of flesh are crumbling
-theology is meaningless unless applied
Giving our kids, once saved, ultimately room to fail and grow, as the old things fall away. Learning things just gives knowledge, it doesn't give Jesus. Teach them the difference between what's in your head and what's in your heart.

3. Pursuing each other in humility
-members honestly evaluate others and self
Well, this is good for everyone in life, but is probably fairly vital and essential to a healthy family unit, with regards to the relationship from child to parent. How healthy and real for kids to see that their parents are also still on the journey of being fully formed, in Christ. There is such room and necessity for humility and forgiveness. We all will fail, and we all will gain victory, and we can each be accountable to the other, for support in good times or bad. Putting on the front of perfection, or of 'being above' this or that is so counter productive. We want our kids to see struggle, failure, mess, and on the flip side, victory in Him. We want to be the example of a devoted, yet flawed, person that meets Jesus, every day.

4. Persevering in the faith
-you are happy to bear the marks of Jesus
This is a hard one - faith not being marked by what you got, but how long you waited. It's a rich faith, like the faith of Abraham to wait for things you will never see in your lifetime. Waiting on the Lord is hard, and you will bear marks as you go - the marks along the way that show you Jesus. But oftentimes these marks are not at all pleasant to us on the earthly, fleshly side.

"Before God has ever used a man significantly, He hurts him deeply" (Pastor Daniel actually opened the entire sermon with this quote but did not give the source, just saying "someone once said". A google search attributes something similar -not exact- to AW Tozer). As a side note, I would sort of dispute the wording of this quote, while I can appreciate the sentiment, it doesn't sit well with me, as it was quoted.

Alternately, my own version would be: God allows what He could prevent, so that you can meet Jesus there. So that you can see that grace abounds, and that He is sufficient.

So back to the point - whether the original quote or my own, the idea behind it is suffering. And suffering is pretty awful. Especially when you can't see the end goal. When you put suffering in the light of "to see Christ fully formed in you" - well then, it's sits with us a little differently, doesn't it? Wouldn't it then make you proud to bear that mark?

As it pertains to parenting - when I look around the world, everywhere I see brokenness. Infertility, broken marriages, death, struggling to make ends meet, the list goes on and on, and none of it would you wish on your worst enemy. And yet it happens, and daily, to wonderful people. And what I would not do to spare my own children some of that suffering, if I could. But would I be interfering with something the Lord is doing? If I want to see my kids come to be fully formed in Christ...would I really take away their pain?

I'm sure I'd want to. But that is only because I can't see the greatness of what will come next. The wonderful things that would come from a heart completely sold out for the Lord. The beauty that rises from the ashes. It's not beauty that can be created by anything but Him. I don't pray for them to be undone or destroyed. But only that they would be given enough suffering to have them be fully formed, in Him.

It's something in parenting I can only try to equip them to handle, and really - not much else. That is a scary aspect of parenting, isn't it? I mean, it's scary because it's not about me, and it's not in my control. Only God know the plans He has for my kids, and while parenting, equipping and watching...I have to make sure I get out of the way too:-)

Anyway, a few rambling thoughts I wanted to get out while they are still formed in my brain. Have a blessed day, all.

You Tell Me

It's the new phase of life around here. My babies aren't babies anymore. They are big kids now. And in an effort to turn them into wonderful critical thinkers, instead of do-as-you're-told robots - I kinda stopped answering their questions awhile ago.

Not all of them. But most of them. All the dumb ones anyway.

Not that they cease to ask anymore. Oh no. It's still an eternal barrage of this 'n that nonsensical questions. Like "when will we get there", "is it snack yet", "where's my toothbrush", "will dogs bite you"...

And I have a great standard answer. "You tell me". Because they already know the answer. They know how to tell time, they know how to look for things, they know when they're about to do something stupid.

Basically, at this point, I am wondering if they have a) any common sense at all and b) if critical thinking is really THAT important. Haha. Because it's a pain in the butt to reinforce common sense.

If they have a legit question relating to something other than where we put the laundry or where the cups go, I'll answer it. But truthfully, in their 6 & 7 years of existence, we've done a lot of talking. They've got a lot of information in their brains. And they need to use it. And fast. I have never been known for my patience.

There have been days, when, after no less than seventy two thousand questions, I have forbid speaking to me. For any reason. Those days are rare, but sometimes, oh-so-necessary:-)

Watch out world, someday (soon, I hope) you'll have to contend with a whole herd of problem solvers!

Parenting At Its Finest

On the pain threshold scale, 10 being very tolerant, and 0 being not at all...Brooks is a negative 15. I know this about him.

So when I hear "you have to come outside, Brooks is hurt", I roll my eyes and say "tell him to come here"

"He can't. He's hurt"

"He can. Tell him I want to see him"

"No, he actually can't walk. He has a huge splinter, he stepped on this prickly bush and it really hurts"

"Well, he'll figure it out"

a few minutes later...

the lovely 12 year old concerned friend says "He really can't walk"

So I go out into the pitch black of night, and shout into the woods "Brooks! What's wrong?!"

(Weeping loudly) "I can't walk! My foot hurts so bad!"

"Just come here! (I can't!), Just hop! (I can't!), Well, can't you....argh!"...so I trudge into the bush, find him sitting on a tree stump, pick him up, lug his 50 pound body into the house...it's only once we get right up on the house that I can actually see anything, and I'm thinking he looks ok...

I plunk him on a stool and grab his foot - OW OW OW. What is even wrong? MY FOOT HUUUUURTS. Someone hands me a pair of tweezers, and I look at the foot. I needed a microscope. Where?

There! OOOOOWWW.

Enough. Not another sound. I can't even see anything.

Oh, well, wouldn't you know it, there was a splinter present. Smaller than a grain of sand, but there none the less. His body was literally quivering in pain as I extracted the thing, which required only barely even touching the surface of the skin.

"Have self control and calm down" He was apparently unable. Now that the magnificent splinter was gone, I marched him to the bathroom to scrub up his filthy feet (flip flops in the country = bad idea).

As the tub is filling/warming, and he is STILL unable to stop crying - my annoyance heightens.

"You listen to me. If you ever make me come and get you again, saying you literally cannot walk, and I get to you, and I see that your foot is still attached to your leg, I will cut it off myself. Is that clear?"

Empty threats, they don't get any better than that, folks. That is solid gold right there. By his continual weeping and wailing, and the obvious tone of anger/annoyance in my voice...I think he may have actually believed me.

Do as I say. Not as I do:-D

Smarter Than I Look

To my dear children:

I know you think that I am very very dumb. But let me spell out a few things for you.

1. No one ever knocks on the door that loudly

2. Anytime there is a legitimate knock at the door, you run excitedly to the door, and don't sit there calmly saying "Mom, I think someone's knocking"

3. I am not deaf, although not looking at you, I can hear you knocking on the table

4. I am not deaf. The whispers and giggles are audible

5. I am not as naive as you obviously think I am

6. Clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth does *not* sound like door-knocking. The change-up has not fooled me

7. Yes, I am ignoring you. I heard you the first 10 times you said it, and I will still not go and check to make sure someone is there

8. I am seriously considering never a) teaching you how to use a telephone and b) ever letting you know what a prank call is

Signed, with {irritated} love,

Your {highly} intelligent Mother

Halloween

Halloween is approaching. {Horrors}. Not horrors, as in spooky ghosts and goblins. Horrors, as in stress. What to do, where to stand, where to go, what to explain to the kids...

I have a hard time with this internationally celebrated holiday. Here are my reasons...We live in a world incredibly impacted by spiritual things. We live in the world, and go about our day to day busyness, with almost no thought to the spiritual realm. We pray everyday, and read our Bibles. We eat our food (pray again) and go to work. We eat again and pray again. We talk, we kiss boo-boos, we watch tv. We go to bed. We pray again. We sleep. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

We are at war, and are blissfully unaware of it. To our detriment. I've never been to war, but I've seen movies (which I will assume to be at least semi-accurate portrayals). They aren't boring and regular. They're grueling and full of acute awareness. Of where the enemies are. Of what they might be planning. Of where they might strike next. How can we be protected? How can we stage an attack of our own? How can we thwart the plans of the incoming destruction?

I believe these things truly and whole heartedly. I do. So how do you go about celebrating {or avoiding} a holiday which plays so heavily into the spiritual world?

I heard something by John Piper once, about Halloween, and I really liked his answer for the freedom in it. He was basically expressing that he supported people that thought that Halloween was of the devil, and they should take no part to acknowledge the holiday. And also that he supported people that were seeing the holiday, yes, as "Satan's", but using the evil for good, and trying to have an impact on the world through that. I can see merit in both sides. But where do I choose to make my stand?

I feel that just because we treat something with innocence or as harmless, does not mean that is it. I would not allow my children to innocently play with fire, although they may not believe it could ever harm them, allowing that innocence {or ignorance} to continue would be fool hearty. A wake up call is in order. Fire can ruin your life and everything you love.

So, just because "everyone" watches Harry Potter, and the Wizards of Waverly Place, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch* -

and makes light of the dark side of the spiritual world -

or worse, glorifies it, turning it into something good -

...Just because we treat something as innocent, does not mean that it is

Spiritual warfare is real - whether it is acknowledged or not.

My kids, "protected" as they are in our home, already know what Zombies are, and Mummy's, and Vampires. And they learned a little sing-song game about Mummy Graveyard or something. They did not learn this from me. They learned it from other kids. I'll also let you know, that the time they have alone with other children is not hours a day, or even hours a week. It's extremely minimal, compared to most other children at their age, and yet, somehow in that minimal time, they've still picked it up, and memorized it. Is there any harm in singing an "innocent" little childs poem? I'll give it to you, that its likely fine.

But it is a gateway. The easiest way to prevent having an affair? Don't date other men (or women). It's a gateway. We safeguard our marriages by setting up appropriate boundaries that will help us remain faithful to our spouses, when there are "worldly people" out there who would seek to tear us down.

Playing innocent mummy games on the trampoline, may be innocent enough right now. But familiarity breeds acceptance...and it turns into something bigger, and something not quite so innocent.

Rabbit Trail - About 1.5 years ago, less than a mile from our house, a psychic/tarot card reading place opened. Every time I drove by, I prayed for that place. I prayed - not that it would close or that they wouldn't have any business - but that the people, the property, the area, would just have such an overwhelming sense of the presence of the Lord. I was very faithful about it - every time, coming and going, I would say a prayer of blessing for them, that their eyes would be opened to see the power of the mighty God we serve. Within 8 months they closed up shop. I obviously have zero clue what made them close down their business, but I do believe I had a small part in it. Our prayers are important to God, and in turn, to Satan. So then, I was grateful for its close - and no longer prayed over that area as I passed by. Guess what? It remained closed and up for lease for a good six months or so, and now, very recently - another psychic place has opened in the same spot. Hmmm. Prayer Warrior. Be ever vigilant.

So here we are, Halloween approaching, and I'm still a little unsure of what we'll do. In past years, we've kept it to complete avoidance (when the kids were very little), and that has evolved into church parties and dressing up in friendly costumes we already had in our dress up bin. We're standing on a line that is somewhere in between avoidance and acceptance. I'm not sure that's the place we'll stay. The kids know the historical facts behind the holiday. They know we should not imitate evil, or seek it out. I'm glad about all those things. Maybe this year we'll go out to eat as a family, somewhere fun that we've never been before. The kids have never been to Chuck E Cheese and really want to go...an idea, perhaps:-)

Prayers for all of us parents, as we struggle through the issues of life...



*I have not seen these particular movies or shows or read the books, nor will I, out of personal conviction. I completely understand that this is somewhat abnormal, in this day and age. I do believe in standing for something - even at the risk of looking like an idiot to the rest of you:-) I do believe that life is not as full of God as it ought to be. I do believe that God abhors evil and all the things that represent it. I am not passing judgement on anyone for their choices regarding Halloween, merely expressing my own. We should each do as our conscience and conviction allow.

Issues of the Heart

"Just wait until they hit 14!"

The "voice of encouragement" offered by far too many parents, in my opinion.

What happens to your decision making and attitudes as you age {no matter what the age} has oh so much to do with the attitudes and decisions you've been making...or have been allowed to make since birth. By your parents.

Parenting is not easy, but it's not that hard either. It's life. It's relationships. It's involved. Involvement tends to equal hard work. Hard...as in time and labour intensive...but still enjoyable.

I can really only speak to the amount of parenting that I have actually done. Which is 6.5 years worth. Having yet to see "my product" turn out well, my advice is perhaps not the most credible. But I have been parented for 33.5 years, and over that time and have had the opportunity to observe many parents, not just my own. People who have turned out a "good product". People who have credibility. So my advice is not necessarily original to me. I pattern myself after others who have sought to follow the Lord in this area and do right by the people they are bringing up in the world.

So back to parenting. Isn't it a little petrifying that I am held responsible for the decisions of my child, in the eyes of the Lord? That I will someday answer for not only myself, but the part of me that is in them too. The part that I instructed. Or failed to.

Each child has their own issues of life...things that need to be trained out of them, and things lacking that need to be trained into them, from day 1. Yes, day 1. Babies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

As a somewhat superficial (yet valid) example, Brooks is a cry-baby. He's been a nervous wreck from birth, worried about everything. Scared of everything under the sun. Petrified, really. He'll cry at the drop of a hat because he saw a fly, you looked at him weird, he fell down, he doesn't like his dinner, you asked him a question he doesn't know the answer to...and on and on it goes.

As a 2 year old, these are fairly "acceptable" behaviours. As a 5 year old, he's by and large over it all, for the most part. He's still scared about everything, but he's learning how to deal with his emotions in an appropriate way and doesn't have such ridiculous outbursts anymore.

As a 20 year old, if he can't live life as a capable, strong, leader, and man...it will not be his fault. It will be mine. As his parents, it's our job to see his issues and areas of weakness and instruct him. These won't be issues that popped up out of nowhere, these are things that go to the core of his being. On the flip side, if he is completely emotionally cold, that will be on me too. There is a balance, in all areas of life. As parents, and students of our children - we need to know what we're up against with each individual child. And know yourself too. The saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...well guess what? Your kids are mini versions of you. They have the same issues as you, too.

Sometimes I think parents give themselves the "pass card" too often. Of course I am not excusing the fact that teens and adults do have their own minds and make their own decisions. So it can be possible to "do everything right" and still have an undesirable {to you} result in the end. And it also does not apply to the majority of people, but I would suspect, applies only to a small minority. Ultimately, we belong to the Lord, and He is in control. But that does not excuse parents from doing their jobs, and attempting to do them well, with the leading of the Holy Spirit.

There seems to be a million people with families completely out of control and they (parents) doing nothing proactively about it. They camp on the verse "when he is old he will not depart from it". Depart from what? How actively were you working out the issues of his heart?

It's a call to be pro-active, and take parenting seriously. It's a call build strong relationships with our children. And not just because they'll be picking out your nursing home someday:-) It's a call to man up and take responsibility for the way our kids are turning out.

Of course my kids are young and it's not yet embarrassing to accept that responsibility. I sure do hope that one day I will not have to be embarrassed for the way they live. By God's grace. I refuse to believe that a switch is magically flipped when some teen turns "14".

Lord, give me the wisdom and courage that I need to raise men and women who love, honour and serve You above all else.