Isn't it interesting how God orders a family?
If I'd (we'd) had a choice, we would have chosen a boy. First. Oh how wrong we would have been! God knew what we needed first. Our girl. From gender to personality, she's just what was missing in our family.
These thoughts come to me, as Kenna & Brooks especially have been going through a "hard time"...for really the first time in their little lives. They've always gotten along famously, but now with getting older and more aware...Everything is a competition. Who is smarter, faster, bigger, stronger, the nicest, the best, the fave, the cutest, who has the darkest hair, who has the bluest eyes. "Lets race!" declared by one, out of the blue, "NO! I'm not going to race. NO RACING!" declared by the one caught off guard - seeing their sibling take off running, knowing they can never catch up, declaring an unfair start and refusing to try seems the best option to avoid the humiliation of being beat.
These are very emotionally charged competitions - usually resulting in tears from the "loser". I really try to stay out of their conflicts, and let them figure out their place. As long as they are dealing kindly and respectfully with each other, I suppose these are things you have to discover about your place in the world, and come to terms with - by yourself. It's not going to help them if I declare the "winner" and "loser". Keeping in mind they are about 13.5 months apart in age, so the equal-ness that they are trying to balance out is really a pretty big deal to them. When they look at each other, they DO see equal, they don't like it, and are fighting for top spot. Kenna, because she deserves it as the oldest, and Brooks, because he's not one to take second place.
What I am trying to guide them toward is accepting - who you are. Kenna will always be the oldest, Brooks will never "catch up". Brooks is rapidly outgrowing her, and it's good for girls to be cute and tiny compared to their younger, bigger brothers. Each one is smart in their own way. We are all capable of different things, and that make us a perfect team. It's good for each person to be who they are and not worry about what they aren't. It's good for us to be genuinely happy for other people, when we see in them what we lack in ourselves.
One thing which being a parent affords you - a chance to see what God is like. In only a very very small way, but the comparisons are enough to really send you running back to God in gratefulness for all He's done for you!
As a Mom, who has seen these kids grow and develop from day 1 - I know them so well. I know everything about them. And as, (at this point anyway) I am infinitely smarter than they are, I can see so much more than they can. I can see how they fit together. How, as they've aged, their lives have molded to each other and they really need each other. They are not as similar and equal as they think they are. But I, seeing the overall picture, can see how perfect they are as individuals, and how life is coming together for them.
As they grapple with their unchangeables (parents, time in history, mental capacity, brothers & sisters etc), I can see the end already, and how it fits together so well. SO God, being infinitely smarter than me, can look at my life and all the things I grapple with, and see how perfect it is, even though I would consider it terrible perhaps. But seeing the bigger picture, He knows that my life includes everything I need, whether or not those facts are observable (or believable) to me in the moment.
I am grateful for many things that I have been blessed with. I am grateful to be a parent, and to have given life to such amazing little people. I am grateful for the opportunity to parent both genders. I am grateful for God's guidance in my life, and working all things together for my good. Whether or not I can see the end game, I can trust the Lord, as children trust their loving parents. So I can say, through all the sunlight and the storms of life, "This is good for me".